Friday, October 28, 2011

Halloween ~ Envy Special

Halloween starts today! It’s my favorite holiday, so I've been anxious for weeks! (I'll spare you the Halloween puns. You're welcome.) I only want everybody to enjoy it as much as I do. So I made a short list of things to avoid this Halloween in order to reach optimal satisfactory. I’m not really one for living by rules, but I feel that everyone should have standards, so this is more like guidelines to remind you where the lowest of the low is. I didn't include common sense items like "Don't put posion in the candy!" I'm just giving you all the benefit of the doubt and assume that you are not idiots or psychotic.
 Enjoy. Go crazy, freaks.

·      First off, DO NOT complain about nothing happening/ nothing to do. Throw your own damn party!!! Plan SOMETHING and invite the whole world!! Most people are willing to take a shot at the possibility of having fun. Even if it’s just watching old scary movies!

·      Don’t go to the graveyards. Cops will be waiting for you. They know that more kids do it around this time, so just save yourself the risk of getting in trouble.

·      No ritual sacrifices!!!! (I literally got this idea from a gothic blog!) Unless you’re sacrificing something that isn’t living, or already dead, as a joke. Hell, I would REALLY like to see what kind of hilarious things you guys are willing to sacrifice for a mock- ritual!!!

·      Do not give healthy treats!!! No one is ACTUALLY thanking you.

·      Don’t give trick-or-treaters last year’s leftover Halloween candy. That only makes you an asshole.

·      Don’t forget that anything that tastes like fruit punch with a kick, will leave you feeling absolutely TERRIBLE for the next 3 days! And will most definitely play a part in making TERRIBLE decisions!!! (Mostly, just be careful)

·      Do not go trick-or-treating if you’re over 21 years old, that’s just sad. Unless you’re taking kids. Then you’re just boring.

·      DO NOT make that dish called something like “Kitty Litter” where you can melt chocolate to make it actually look like feline shit. That shit is just too realistic for anyone to be excited to eat it. If you make it, just assume that no one will eat it to avoid being offended.

·      Don’t bob for apples, it’s dirty. The germa-phobe in me is screaming, “THINK OF THE GERMS!”

·      Don’t be lame, Dress up! It doesn’t matter what, but Halloween is only once a year, so why not?

·      With that said, DON’T FORGET ABOUT THE DIVIDED BY ZERO COSTUME CONTEST!!!! Dress up as any Divided By Zero character and send us a picture either through our facebook ( ) , or our email at !!!! Any characters such as one of the hosts, Scott, or a discussion character such as Tom Hanks, or Zombie Meg Ryan, The Gentle Gangster, or even some of the super heroes made up on the show! Like, Handle Man, Thunder Bear, or Mighty Morphing Man! Get creative!! Make us laugh!

1st place winner will receive a framed combo set of the Tyler Great Job! bathroom picture, AND the Scott Romance bathroom picture!!! Combo includes a set of dry erase markers to grafitti the pictures!

2nd place winner will receive a choice of the Tyler or Scott picture with marker!
Winners will be chosen by the Divided By Zero men themselves.
Contest ends at the end of November!
Good luck!

For requests, advice, questions, ideas, or bullshit, email me at
If it's funny, it might get a mention on the podcast! Or I might construct an entire post off it!

Love me? Find me! On Facebook and Twitter!
~ Otherwise all comments and questions are welcome below ~

No comments:

Post a Comment