- Mitchell opens the show with a reading of his newly updated will. It details utilizing the service offered by Jyly Holy Smoke LLC, which turns your ashes into ammunition.
- "It's too bad when a rookie chokes like that, maybe Romo can just go down to AAA for a little while and work the kinks out." says Cyril in response to the Cowboy's loss against the Lions.
- "I was born like 8 months early and I don't have epilepsy." Is Gilbert's reaction to a new study showing a correlation between premature birth and epilepsy.
- "We forgive you Hank Jr.! It wasn't that bad anyways!" says Mitchell in response to Hank Williams Jr.'s Obama-Hitler analogy.
- Jarvis is pissed when he hears that Microsoft has discontinued the Zune line of media players. "Boyd said he was going to buy me a brand new one of those since I beat him in a push up contest!". "I win sucker!" retorts Boyd.
- "Bugs clearly can't help cure anything, I was made to eat them all the way through my thirties." is Gilbert's reaction to some new Nobel Prize winning research.
- "This just doesn't make any sense! Puppets don't even eat!" says Jarvis in response to the new Sesame Street muppet, Lily
- "Quasicrystals ain't got nothing on this gun show! THESE shouldn't exist according to physics!" says Boyd flexing to show his dominance over Dan Shechtman.
- A study shows that breast cancer screenings should start as early as age twenty five. "Wish I would have known that a while ago..." says Gilbert.
- Cyril interrupts Mitchell during the open of the show because he cannot contain his excitement. "The mighty onventor has fallen! There's room for the rest of us now!"
- Mitchell steers the conversation to a less emotional" topic. "Payton F^(%^$%#^ Manning is gonna make a come back! Football is saved!"
- "What about those of us with acute grass allergies huh? I can't even walk outside without almost losing consciousness." is Gilbert's reaction to automakers who are looking into bamboo as a building material.
- Mitchell is geeked about the opening of an Arnold Schwarzenegger museum in Austria, "Can't wait to go check out Arnie in all his glory!" Boyd is less than impressed with the bronze statue of Schwarzenegger, and calls him "Busch League".
- A new study shows that people who ride bicycles in the city inhale twice as much soot as those on foot. Cyril takes this as a cue to unveil his newest invention "It's a mask, you wear on your face, that blocks dust and stuff from going into your lungs. I call it, the Dust Mask!"
- In sports, the NBA negotiations show little progress...