Wednesday, November 30, 2011

The Depths of Fear





A while back I made the decision to be a more honest person. I feel that as people we lie too much, but I personally don’t really have anything to hide. I’m the type of person you can ask anything, and I will answer it.  So I’m taking a new spin on this whole thing where I’m letting readers get to know me better. This is a “Sharing is Caring” AND Confession post! Yeah, I got the memo that Halloween is done and over with (for now) but Halloween aside, I am going to share with you all of my known fears. (Yes, I know that this could be a TERRIBLE idea.) So grab a shovel and let’s get dirty as we dig into my subconscious.

(I’m skipping the rational fears such as: having those closest to me dying and me dying. I’m trying to keep it interesting here, people!)

·         My lamest fear is of falling. Not heights, falling. I have no problem being way up high and seeing everything around me, but you can’t get me anywhere close to the ledge, let alone to look down.

·         I have this fear that is perfectly rational, but not normal, of not being able to produce my own children.

·         I also have fear issues in bathrooms…. It is cliché, but I truly have a fear of opening shower curtains.

·         I am afraid and paranoid that I am constantly being watched and/or recorded. Especially in bathrooms.

·         When I go into fitting rooms, I always do the finger test to make sure that the mirror isn’t double sided so that I am reassured that no one is watching me.

·         I fear chainsaws, and clowns… Put them together, and you might possibly have my worst nightmare.

·         Call me a basket case, but I believe that some sorts of supernatural actually exist. Not vampires or man-bear-pigs, but more like ghosts.

·         Technology Taking Over

·         I have a reoccurring paranoia that any boyfriend I have will come out as homosexual.

·         Fear of getting lost in the woods or while driving.

·         Bums/ Beggars

 Now allow me to explain:
I don’t know why I’m afraid of falling, but it’s a stupid fear, and I am not going to live with it. I have decided that one day I WILL skydive. The first opportunity that I get, I WILL do it. That ought to cure it, right?!?
When I stay a night at someone’s house/ apartment that I’ve never been to, or hotel, I am EXTREMELY hesitant to take a shower. I have a constant paranoia that I’m being watched. Not only in bathrooms, but everywhere, all the time. And not only that I’m being watched, but recorded! So if I have to shower, I check that bathroom high and low for holes and hidden cameras.
I have had enough experiences to prove to me that there is something beyond this life. But being in those situations really shakes me mentally and emotionally, so I never wish to be in that kind of situation. If I hear unrecognized or questionable movement in my home, I will automatically assume it is supernatural and not a burglar! It has gotten to the point where I have a hard time watching scary movies now. I’m just too freaking paranoid!!!
For some reason, I’m not terrified of the zombie apocalypse. I think I might be one of the ones that could survive, but surviving would not do me ANY favors when it comes to my anxiety and paranoia, of course it would only get worse. But the scenario that does scare me is the typical, and what I believe to be inevitable, concept of technology taking over. It’s probably a control fear, because if there was a zombie outbreak, I could fend for myself, fight and survive. But if technology took over, I wouldn’t last a day, I wouldn’t know what to do or how to fight it at all. Simply terrifying, and more realistic than zombies!!!
I think bums are worse than clowns for me. You can’t trust either of them. But I assume that bums feel like they have less to live for. And I imagine that they have seen and done things that you couldn’t pay me to witness. This gives me the impression that bums have no boundaries, and bums are mentally sick. Therefore, I stay the hell away from them, and lock my doors when I drive through Detroit. 

I welcome the name calling, so call me what you’d like; weird, crazy, wimpy, or paranoid. They are all true and are nothing I don’t know already. We could sit here all day and dig for the deeper meanings of these fears of mine, but I'm more interested in what you think.
So tell me....

What shakes you? Tell me! Email me your answers, advice and questions at ladyenvy@dividedbyzeropodcast.com

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