- Mitchell opens the show with his Dracula voice and refuses to drop it for the entire first hour. "I vant to suck your beer!" was Mitchell's "catch phrase" for the morning.
- Jarvis decides he is skeptical of Richard Muller, a skeptic of global warming who now is a believer in climate change. "Why did he change his mind? He's a flip flopper! What's so great about research anyway? I already know I'm right."
- "That's invasion of privacy, or something. Doctors have no right to know what I'm doing in my free time, it's their job to help me when I'm sick, that's it!" is Charlotte's response to a new call for doctors to ask adolescents about drug and alcohol use.
- "Hmm, this means that aliens might be crashing into us sooner than I expected... I have to go make some plans." says Boyd in response to hearing that observations from the Hubble Telescope show that galaxies are colliding more often than previously thought.
- "I hope I don't get that again, because I'm not going to stop drinking. It's all I have really." A study recently shows that even a few drinks can increase your risk of breast cancer. Gilbert is clearly concerned.
- Tower Heist is being described as "so fun, it's criminal." Max responds, "No way it's better than The Klumps!"
- Pytor Nikolayev, born October 31, 2011 in Russia, was hailed as the 7 billionth person on the planet by a meeting with Vladimir Putin. "Get that baby in a football uniform and put him on my team! He's special! I'm thinking he'll be a good power forward." responds Cyril.
- "But it does mean more people are smoking it, and that means 'Merica is going to hell for smoking the devil's basil." says Mitchell in response to a study in Rhode Island showing that the legalization of medical marijuana did nothing to increase the amount being smoked illegally.
- A new study shows that the "Freshman 15" is a myth, and that the average weight gain for a college freshman is more like 2.4 pounds. "There's no way that's true, hell I gained something like 40 pounds when I was a freshman, and did they include the Senior 6? I bet not! I lost it all obviously... I'm hot, I got a body like Kim!" says Charlotte.
- Cronopio Dentiacutus, the latest mammal discovered that lived during the era of dinosaurs, 93 million years ago, sparks some controversy amongst the crew. "I can't believe they keep making this crap up, anything to push their agenda." argues Jarvis.
- "I get plenty of exercise, I have to get up at least 30 times a day to grab me a beer. No colon cancer for me." says Mitchell about a recent tie between colon cancer and obesity.
- The NBA season has yet to resume...
- "Aww I wanted to be his first..." says Max when he hears that Justin Bieber is accused of fathering an illegitimate child with a fan.
- "Did you guys hear about the quarter mile wide asteroid heading toward Earth?" Cyril asks the crew. "If you all had invested in my invention, AstroShot 2K, a couple years ago this wouldn't be an issue. This is all of your faults."
- A hospital in China was accused of disposing of a living new born after diagnosing it still born. "That happened to me actually, twice." responds Gilbert.