Saturday, November 12, 2011

Mitchell in the Morning! 2011 week #45 in review!

- After hearing that there is a 'Where's Waldo" movie slated to begin production soon Jarvis loses his mind. "Seriously? Do they really have no other ideas? I couldn't find that bastard in the books even, how do you think the movie is going to be for me? I don't even think he was in that damn book! Just another trick to keep the masses occupied!"
- "How do you feel about that Cyril?" asks Mitchell after reading aloud a story about Penn State coaching legend Joe Paterno and the recent controversy surrounding his program. "Who?" responds Cyril, "Never heard of him. Does he teach there or something?"
- "New iPads to vote on? I'm moving to Oregon and getting me one of those! Gotta keep up on my celeb dirt news." says Charlotte after hearing that Oregon will try using iPads to help disabled citizens to vote.

- The BIPM, the French acronym for the object that is the standard of the kilogram, seems to have either lost or gained weight and scientists aren't sure why. "Maybe it's been working out." offers Max.
- New advisement by the American Dietetic Association says to not use salt and butter on your popcorn, but substitute it for a healthier alternative. "Well what about those of us with popcorn allergies? Now what am I suppose to do, I had to give all my salt and butter to my god damn ex-wife in the divorce." responds Gilbert.
- Fannie Mae seems to have posted huge losses last quarter, and will be seeking more in loans. "How does this lady keep getting all this money? I'm going to have to hookup with her! Get me a sugar Mama!" says Boyd.

- "The world is a little bit lighter today," says Mitchell, "Heavy D is no longer weighing it down."
- "I can't believe it, I'll finally be cured!" says Gilbert in response to a headline that reads "Scientists find big chink in Malaria's armor". "That's racist." is Max's reaction.
- "Greek talks in limbo after 4 days" is the headline that sparks the interest of Cyril. "That make perfect sense actually, when I was in Greece once I taught the limbo to many of the locals and they now worship me as a God. This is clearly the best thing that can happen to Greece."

- A quote from Magic Johnson implies that commissioner David Stern isn't racist. "Well that settles it, I'm never watching basketball again." says Mitchell. "How is that guy still alive?" asks Boyd, "I need to know his secrets and use them!"
- "Why didn't I hear about this? This is insane! I should have been in my shelter while the rest of you died!" says Jarvis in response to 2005YU55's pass of Earth. It came closer to the Earth than the Moon usually does.
- Gilbert laments, "Guys I have less than nine years left then, who ever want the things in my shack can have them." This in reaction to hearing that sufferers of mini-strokes are 20% more likely to die within 9 years after having one.

- Charlotte opens the show with quite the temper, "I can't believe the hired an old guy to host the Oscars! Who is this chump anyway? Why can't they get a big star, someone like Jake Gyllenhaal!". "Aren't you older than Billy Crystal?" reminds Max. He is met with a death stare.
- A new recommendation for doctors is to start testing children as young as 11 for cholesterol issues. "First children, then what?! Middle aged people?!" responds Jarvis.
- A new poll shows that Gingrich is tied with Romney in the polls, while Cain leads. This sparks a fire under Cyril and Boyd, "We are throwing our hats into the running!" says Boyd. "With my newest invention, a long coat, I call it a 'trench coat' Boyd and I will pose as one candidate and win this election! Boyd will stand on my shoulders and the coat will conceal who we actually are!" says Cyril.

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