- Charlotte starts the show asking, "Mitchell? Can I have an $80 advance on my paycheck? They made FarmVille toys and I can't wait to have them all! All my FBriends will be so jealous!". "What did you just say?" responds Mitchell.
- "For once! I don't have something horrible! Well I do... but not for the reasons stated!" is Gilbert's response to a study that shows men who take 10 or more medications per day have a higher risk of erectile dysfunction.
- Social Security was the topic to take out the show, Boyd reacts, "Wait... so you're saying that I could have been on this stuff for like 100 years now? How did I mess that up?". "Get with it for once, this is the one way we can stick it to the man! They don't count on gnomes living as long as we do." says Jarvis.
11/15- Sting has released an iPad app celebrating his 25 year tenure as a solo artist. Max makes a farting noise into the microphone for the next 5 minutes.
- After hearing that NASA is looking for new astronauts Cyril perks up. "This may be the break I need to build my ultimate creation in space! It's a huge telescope, outside of the atmosphere so we can look way out into space!"
- A new study shows that smart kids are more likely to try illicit drugs. "Anyone here ever tried drugs?" asks Mitchell. He is answered with silence.
- A mountain range has been discovered under the sheet of ice that covers Antarctica, "I bet it's going to be the new hot spot, like the Alps or something, I have to go to check out all the celebs that will be there." is Charlotte's main concern.
- "Is it only teens?" asks Gilbert when he hears thats one in twelve teens "self harm". "I'm pretty sure that continuing to allow my god damn ex-wife to live is harmful to me."
- The Great American Smokeout is tomorrow, a day where American's are encouraged to quit smoking. "I'm starting today so I can be a better American tomorrow!" says Max.
- Mitchell opens the show, very excited to read an interview with Kermit the frog, about the newest Muppet movie coming out. Jarvis stops him half way through, "Wait a minute, the frog talks for real? That's bologna, no way you are reading that correctly."
- "I've got to study up on Chris Farley more, even giant squids are afraid of that dude!" says Boyd after hearing that a group of giant squid has migrated due to the conditions caused by El Niño.
- The C-section rate seems to have dropped in the last decade or so, Cyril attributs this to himself, "Well ever since the wife divorced me, I've been 'getting around' as they say, and I have have a hankering for human women. So clearly our resulting child would be smaller and easier to pass.". Max calls him out, "Didn't you say your pee pee doesn't work anymore?"
- Regis Philbin signs off of TV for good today after 28 years of morning programing. "I thought he was dead already." says Max. "No no no, he just had a stroke or something." says Cyril.
- Mitchell announces the "Headline of the Day" which leaves the crew speechless and laughing for the entire segment, and they never actually talk about it. That headline is "Explosive Duck Penis vs. Zombie Fish"
- A scientific panel says to be ready for extreme weather coming soon, Gilbert responds with "I'm getting ready for some extreme diarrhea, those doughnuts we had before the show had milk in them I guess. I'm lactose intolerant."