Saturday, December 17, 2011

Mitchell in the Morning! 2011, week #50 in review!

- Boyd gets excited as Mitchell reads the first story of the day, 'Michelle Obama helps set world record'. "A new world record? That's awesome! So much glory to be had! Which is it so I can go break it?" asks Boyd. Mitchell responds, "Most people doing jumping jacks in a 24 hour period.", Boyd cannot contain his anger after hearing, "This is bullshit!'
- The Packers move to 13-0, but not without some injury. "Thirteen games?", asks Cyril, "That's really not that many, they have to win like, I dunno, 50 more to be anywhere near the top... They play hockey right?"
- This past weekend there was a total lunar eclipse, visible on the western side of the United States. This phenomenon had to be explained to Jarvis, "Wait, so you guys are telling me that the moon goes out right? How can that be, because I just saw it! One explanation I will accept, government space base flew in front of the moon. Anything short of that, I'm calling bologna."

- Former Survivor winner Richard Hatch has been trying to get a show to air that revolves around all the children he has had from his many sperm donations. "Sure just rub it in, " says Gilbert, "Your junk works. Must be nice! My god damn ex-wife never let me forget when mine stopped."
- The makers of Blackberry, Research in Motion, reportedly spent $716,000 on lobbying Congress last year to aid in preserving their technology. "Those farmers are all high tech now. Those berries can't taste very good." is Max's response.
- "If I hadn't already signed up for that thing where I turn my ashes into bullets, I would be signing up for this." says Mitchell when he hears that Virginia may soon be subsidizing "space burials".

- Pablo Longueira, Chile's Economy Minister, has delivered a message to the people of Chile that tells them to remove their ties this summer to help save on energy costs. "It's winter you idiot! God, how to these morons get into office?" raves Jarvis.
- "Paris is the new Paris!", squeals Charlotte, "I can't wait to see her non sex tape!". This is her response to a movie being announced starring Paris Jackson, the daughter of Michael Jackson.
- Canada has pulled out of the Kyoto Protocall. "I hope they pulled out in time." says Max.

- Global Warming has been correlated with a rise in polar bear cannibalism, "Cannibalism isn't so bad really, it kept me alive while I was in the war. Plus, polar bears are delicious." says Gilbert. "I wanna be a polar bear.", Max responds.
- "The FCC is really keeping me down, that was one of my best ideas!", says Cyril in response to a mandate forcing the volume of television commercials to be lowered to a normal volume.
- Mitchell starts reading a story about Vladimir Putin, and the efforts he is making to revive the military. Charlotte interrupts, "Oooooh, he is so cute! Look at him with that little tea cup! Impeach Obama, I want this guy."

-  "Get that ring, and that money, and then that other ring, and then get out! Doing it right girl!", says Charlotte when she hears that Vanessa Bryant, Kobe Bryant's wife, is filing for divorce. 
- "NASA scientists build harpoon to shoot comets" is the headline that has Boyd and Cyril all abuzz. "I'mma ride me one of those things!" says Boyd, "I can get you there." responds Cyril.
- A new study is looking into 'presumed donations' for everyone for organ donation, Mitchell takes offence, "How am I supposed to be bullets if they steal parts of me?". "What the hell are they going to do with our organs anyway?", asks Jarvis, "We aren't human compatible, they are gonna lock 'em up and study 'em. There will probably be little clones of all of us running around! Except you Gilbert, you got problems.", Gilbert solemnly agrees.

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