- Mitchell starts to read the opening story, "Speaker John Boehner demands...", Max interrupts loudly, "Awwww, Mitchell said a bad word!"
- "I'm going to have to go to the doctor", says Gilbert, "I don't want to catch what Kim Jong-Il had. Natural causes sounds nasty!"
- A new study suggests that most people would sacrifice one person to save many. "Well yea! Especially if I was one of the many.", says Boyd, "Even if it was just to save me, you're all going down."
- Scientists have been breeding super strong strains of avian flu in labs in order to know how to treat them in the future. Jarvis doesn't like the sound of this news at all, "They are trying to kill us! That stuff gets out and we are all dead!", he starts a chant among the crew, "SCIENCE EQUALS DEATH! SCIENCE EQUALS DEATH!"
- 'War Horse' has been getting mediocre reviews from the critics. "Sounds like the perfect movie for me then", says Gilbert, "too much excitement makes my heart kill me. Too depressing and it reminds me of my God damned ex-wife, which makes me kill myself."
- A Clinton-Bush non-profit are slated to donate $1.5 million to aid in Haiti rebuilding efforts. "He waited all this time to help Haiti and he never even responded to my grant request?", asks Cyril, "I could have had a Utopian like city built already! Pffft, Haiti..."
- Over 250 British women are suing a French breast implant manufacturer for ruptures. "Are fake boobs for fake babies?", asks Max.
- Mitchell starts asking the crew about something, when he gets to Charlotte she is clearly distracted. "Don't mind me, I have to prepare for tonight". When asked why she responds, "7 planets will be visable tonight, AND it's the solstice! I have to make sure my horoscope is perfect, and all my spells are ready."
- Aaron Rodgers has been named the AP 2011 Athlete of the Year. "I never get anything of the year. My New Year's resolution is to be the something of 2012.", says Boyd. "Who's Aaron Rodgers?", asks Cyril.
- "To Senegal!", is Mitchell's rallying cry to open the show. All this because he read a news story that mentions that packs of Marlboro's have been reduced in price, they are now down to 79 US cents.
- The UN assembly repotedly held a minute of silence for Kim Jong-il today. "Was she an important lady or something?", asks Max.
- 'Addictive meth is scourge of rural Missouri' has Gilbert questioning the accuracy of reporters now-a-days. "Addictive? Meth? I've been doing it for years and I'm still in good shape."
- The crew is on vacation for Christmas, which of course means, the radio station played all the hits of Christmas on loop for the entire day! All 12 of them.