Saturday, January 21, 2012

Mitchell in the Morning! 2012, week #3 in review!

- Celebrity chef Paula Deen has been diagnosed with diabetes, likely caused by the consumption of the food she shows people how to prepare. "She has nobody to blame butter self.", boasts Max.
- Apparently the use of micro blogging in China quadrupled in 2011, says one study. "Well that means I have to go big!", says Boyd, "I will only use MACRO blogging... As soon as someone invents that."
- "And that's what will set loose the largest plague this world has ever seen! Scientists will be killing us all!", rants Jarvis when he hears that scientists will be drilling into an Antarctic lake very soon.

- The average age of cars owned by Americans is now estimated at 10.8 years old. "They got nothing on me boy!", brags Cyril, "My car is 207 years old, then that Swiss bastard ripped me off. Francois Isaac Rivaz, you sir still have a mark on your head!"
- Bacteria found to live in areas of permafrost, may hold the secret to slowing down aging. "Inject me now! How much?! You know what, I don't even care! NOW NOW NOW!", responds Charlotte.
- The headline "Greek debt talks to resume Wednesday in Athens" at first confuses Mitchell, which is followed by a bit of understanding. "Wait that talking? Last time I met a Greek guy I thought he was deaf or something. It ain't American, thats for sure. Don't really know of another way to talk."

- After 60 years of research, science still cannot find the "G-Spot" says a recent study from the Yale-New Haven Hospital in Connecticut. "Niether can any man I've ever known... I mean slept with... wait... Do I sound like a slut right now?", says Charlotte.
- Apparently sex poses very low risk to patients with heart health issues. Gilbert is silent for a moment then yells, "That bitch ex-wife of mine told me that my doctor said I could not ever even try again! All that time! And now it doesn't work at all! She is still ruining my life!"
- There seems to be a lot of fashion shows going on at the moment but Cyril isn't impressed, "Just wait 'til spring when I unveil my brand new line of ground breaking clothes! Two words, Jackhammer Pants!"

- Today it was announced that both Rihanna and Coldplay will be performing at this years Grammy celebration. "Oh Grammies, will you never learn? This is your problem... still.", says Mitchell.
- "Well no more using the phrase 'Kodak Moment' anymore.", says Boyd when he hears that Kodak will be filing for bankruptcy protection, "Although it could be replaced! how about 'Canon Moment'? Now that sounds pretty bad ass!"
- About 17% of teem moms didn't think they could get pregnant, says one study. "I don't think I can get pregnant, and I'm not a teen.", responds Max.

- "A new plant?!", rages Jarvis, "Those things don't even move! What the hell is science doing? Get it together you idiots.", is his response to the discovery of a breed of Medinill flower in Fiji.
- "THIS has to be my problem. I'm still eating the same 7000 calorie diet and I'm getting fatter.", says Gilbert as he reads a story titled "Bipolar Drug May Spur Weight Gain, Thyroid Problems: Review"
- "Sunday is the day! You excited Cyril?", asks Mitchell. "Oh yea sure, there's some great tennis this weekend.", is his response. "Conference championships! I thought you liked football!", says Mitchell. "Oh yea I love it!", responds Cyril, "But I am I supposed to know when every game is? Sheesh!"

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